Below are the 11 most recent journal entries recorded in Big Gay Ron's LiveJournal:

Tuesday, September 19th, 2000
3:05 pm	No, dammit! It's not quite the same old stuff. I mean, all the usual stuff is still there, but I'm tired because I actually got out of bed without waiting until I couldn't possibly sleep any more. I found the motivation to actually get some exercise (haven't had that happen in a long time). I've also been able to just sit still and watch TV and not feel too much like I just want to scream because of the lack of stimulus in my life. Not exactly great accomplishments, but I'll take what I can get about now. Current Mood: optimistic (3 Comments |Comment on this)
2:58 pm	Tired, Depressed, Too Introspective...in other words, same ol' same ol'. Current Mood: apathetic (Comment on this)
Friday, September 15th, 2000
6:50 pm	Is it weird that listening to Paint it Black is improving my mood? Current Mood: pensive Current Music: inkubus sukkubus - paint it black (1 Comment |Comment on this)
6:20 pm	Been a while... Not suprising, but this is my first entry since June--before the move to Rochester. Seems like oh so long ago... Anyway, I might as well take another stab at this. So, Claremont, NH is history (and I was right, no nostalgic tug thinking about that place) and I've been in Rochester, NY for nearly three months now. Nothing else has changed much. I may have some new scenery, but everything else has fallen back to the way it was. Not that I really expected some miraculous change. I figured things would be pretty much the same here, but it's still fairly disappointing. I want some kind of a life so badly, but all my hang-ups are still completely intact. The depression, the socialphobia, the complete lack of a plan--everything in my life right now is just sucking so goddamn much! That's putting it mildly, of course, but I doubt I could explain it any better since half the time I don't know what I'm feeling or even thinking. GAH, I'm incoherent. I hope that doing this more often will help me get my head together a little easier, but that's obviously not happening yet... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, June 9th, 2000
11:12 pm	One week from tonight, the room I'm now sitting in will be completely empty. Weird. Another "yes, I really AM moving" moment. Anyway, it's getting close, and I just can't wait to settle into my new room with all my stuff out of boxes and all this packing a blissfully fading memory. Tonight I am tired. I woke up at a reasonable time (for a change) and actually got some stuff accomplished, so I'm about ready for some well deserved sleep. Tomorrow brings more work, and every waking moment seems to bring one more forgotten task to light (none of them terribly fun). *sigh* So much to do, yadda yadda... But that's tomorrow... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 7th, 2000
7:42 pm	Well, it's been a while, so I figured I should update this bad boy. Sadly, there's really nothing much to say. My life is still pretty much on hold while I wait for this move to happen (less than two weeks now). After that, well, I can't use the "my life's on hold while we move" escuse anymore. My guess: I'll then sink into the "still adjusting to my new surroundings" bit for as long as it is remotely believable. Anything to explain away the utter lack of activity in my life. *Sigh* Anyway, I should be doing laundry right now. I've made a dent in the mountain of clothes in the corner of my room, but it's still a major undertaking. I just hope there are no laundy trolls waiting to pull me into their dank, sweat-sock littered den, never to be heard from again... (Comment on this)
Monday, May 29th, 2000
5:00 pm	Well, it's been a few days and things are pretty much business as usual. Most of my belongings are now in boxes, only the essentials kept out for the two weeks left in NH. As I suspected, I'm feeling no sentimentality whatsoever. That's gotta mean something. I mean, with all these boxes and the empty spaces where all that stuff used to sit, if I still feel no tugs at the ol' heart strings, this move MUST be a good thing. It's funny, though. Twelve years in this town, Eight in this apartment, and there is so little emotion that goes along with it. Most of the good childhood experiences were pre-Claremont, and the ones here were sprinkled throughout so much more unpleasant times that they are pretty much swallowed right up. Then there's the adult years, which are all a blur of depression, confusion, loneliness, and despair. (So much so, in fact, that I almost forgot that I even HAVE adult years--eep!) Sigh. Anyway, I guess I should be greatful that my good mood is holding, and I'm all psyched to get outta this place. As always, I'll write more when the mood strikes. =-) (Comment on this)
Friday, May 26th, 2000
5:34 pm	Okay! I have heavily caffeinated myself in order to get some of the chaos in my room under control! I figured, while buzzin', I might as well throw something into my journal. (chalk any typos up to the caffeine jitters ha-ha.) The moving bug has got me in a good place today. I'm so ready to get into a new place and a new routine. Hmm, it's funny: I realized last night that I never thought I'd get outta this stupid little city alive. Not the most cheery thought, but *shrug*. Of course thinking that made me wonder just what I'll do if Rochester brings no improvement to my situation. I can't really see myself backsliding too far--considering the level of familial involvement that'll be in my life out there--but if I stay in the place I am now I'll go completely insane and take anyone near me along for the ride. On the plus side, thinking about this isn't destroying my mood like it usually would. I dont wanna press my luck, though, so I guess I'll focus my energy on getting my room ready to go. yippee! (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 25th, 2000
6:59 pm	Well, once again the fact that I will be moving in just two short weeks has been hammered into my head today. There's so much to do that I'm having trouble fighting my natural instinct to just curl up into a little bitty ball on my bed and make it all go away. *sigh* No such luck. My room is a disaster. Between the boxes and piles of junk, there isn't a patch of floor visible; God, I have to practically jump from the doorway just to get onto the bed. Beyond the physical aspect of moving myself and all this crap to NY, there's all the emotional crap that I'm doing my best to wade through and organize. "It'll all be okay once we get settled": My mantra, of late, keeps it all in check for now. I can't stop yawning today either, decided to finish "The Talisman" last night instead of sleeping. Ah well, I'll make up for it tonight, I suppose. Until then, tho, my brain is fried, so I gotta go do something a little less thought-related. (Comment on this)
Monday, May 22nd, 2000
5:04 pm	Already having second thoughts about my new journal. I guess I'm just so used to keeping every aspect of myself private (even from the few people in my immediate family who see me on a daily basis) that this is so foreign a concept to me. It kinda stirs up all the old self-conscious bullshit that has plagued me my whole life and contributed so much to my depression/socialphobia/reclusiveness/etc... *Sigh* I guess we'll see how this plays out... (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, May 21st, 2000
11:08 pm	Well, here we are. Another journal started. How long before the novelty wears off this time? With the events of my life being what they are, I'd guess: Not Long. But that's the old, pessimistic Ron talking. Things are happening all over the place lately, and I might be able to make some sense of them if they're all neatly organized in one centralized location. Of course, that would require the ability to neatly organize my thoughts into something relatively coherent. My writing skills being what they are, I should consider this a lost cause from square one. Ah well, that's night one. Next time I'm feeling ambitious, I gotta lay out some things and see what we can see. Happy, happy. Joy, joy. (2 Comments |Comment on this)